Cathartic Dump

The snot is slowly subsiding around our house. The dried booger plugs on Son's nose are getting smaller each morning. The raw patches Daughter has rubbed in her face are beginning to heal as the wiping subsides. Between the snot wars and the tornado warnings we're still not getting much sleep. Daughter was excited to go to Grandpa and Grandma's house on Wednesday and wouldn't go to sleep Tuesday night. She kept calling us to her bedroom and would say, "I just don't know what to dream about." Two hours later when she had finally fallen asleep she woke up inconsolable, insisting she wanted to keep drawing and demanding her crayons. When I convinced her to go back to sleep, she still insisted she didn't know what to dream about. Son wakes up through the night wanting to be held and reassured that things are okay in spite of the fact that his nose is running a snot marathon.

Yesterday was an intense day wearing my professional hat. I spent all day earning CE credits for a workshop on how to increase awareness of our feelings and sensations and help our clients do the same. It succeeded in raising my awareness of how exhausted I felt and how I was feeling the sensation of a migraine coming on, not that I needed increased awareness of these conditions. It also involved a lot of deep breathing and closing of eyes and relaxation and such. It was torture, as this all contributed to my overwhelming urge to go to sleep. I think I dozed a time or to, but I kept being awakened by the loud snoring of the man next to me.

I went straight from this full eight hour day of sleep-deprived, awareness-raising, torture experience to five back to back therapy sessions with behavior disturbed adolescents. The final session began with me being called every name in the book, and ended with me calmly putting on my coat and leaving in the middle of it. It's not unusual for me to be called colorful names by my teenage and adolescent clients. It's also not unusual for me to be greeted with hugs and adoration. I never know how I'll be received from week to week, so I never take any of it on a personal level. It's all in a day's work when dealing with adolescents who carry such labels as Bi-Polar Disorder-sometimes with psychotic features, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder-sometimes with psychotic features.... Nonetheless, all the flavors of "Disorder" and psychosis tires me sometimes. This is why I have to maintain some office based adult clients who come to see me because they actually WANT to, who are motivated to really work on issues, and who have high levels of insight and high cognitive skills. I was just done last night after a 14 hour day, and much preferred making it home in time to see my kids to bed than being the object of unresolved aggression.

I walked in the door and went straight upstairs where Husband handed me Son just in time to snuggle him to sleep. He curled up on my shoulder and tucked his head in my neck and went to sleep immediately. I lingered for a long time after he slept, listening to and feeling his baby breaths on my neck and thinking of how there is just no better way to end a day, especially a day like yesterday.