I had one of those moments again today. They actually happen pretty frequently, but I only let myself pause long enough to really feel them every so often. Son tends to bring these moments on when he's just being himself, and I become overwhelmed with how cute and cuddly he is. Sometimes it happens when he snuggles into my embrace and melts against my own body and says, "Mommy" in a content tone. Sometimes it's when he plants a slobbery kiss on my lips. Sometimes it's when he does a little happy jig when I come home from work just before his bedtime. Sometimes it's just when I stop to really notice him. I often get flashbacks at this point. I look at Daughter for a reference point and I wonder to myself who snatched my little toddler girl and replaced her with a pre-schooler. I wonder how her legs got so long, and I try to pinpoint the time when her baby chubbiness faded. My head spins as I try to remember when she stopped being easy to pick up and hold in my lap and when I stopped carrying her on my hip. I feel bad at times because I think some of those months were lost in the blur of birthing Son into the world. Life was a bit of a blur from the point I was about four months pregnant with Son until he was nearly 12 weeks old. Actually, when I really stop to think of when life wasn't a blur, it was before either of the kids were born, but it's gone even faster and gotten even blurrier since Son was born. It doesn't seem that long ago since the last time I nursed Daughter, the last time I cuddled her all the way to sleep before placing her in her bed, the first night she slept in her big girl bed and was done with her crib forever. It seems not long ago when she potty training at the age Son is now. Daughter was potty trained by 22 months, but even that doesn't seem that long ago. I haven't really started with Son yet, except for putting the potty chair out where he can get used to what it is. He wants to take the "pee guard" off the thing and run around the house with it, and I'm just thinking that this would not be a good thing if he had just peed all over it. As I remember all these "lasts" with Daughter, I am painfully aware that the same kinds of "lasts" will occur with Son. That's when I feel that awful ache.
It's hard to consider that in a blink of an eye he will go from this...an age that kisses are freely and endlessly given,
to this...an age where kisses still happen rather frequently, but I'm told that my kisses are "too slobbery" (even if she's the one with the slobbery lips), preceded by a "Blech!" and wiping of her mouth before informing me that if my kisses are too slobbery, she might get a "love infection."